I was fortunate to grow up in a stable home…parents were married well over 50 years. My mother faithfully took my three sisters and I to church every Sunday. She was active as a Sunday school teacher and leader in women’s ministry. My father on the other hand was a hard working man and didn’t see the need for God in his life. Although he had no interest, he did allow the family to be actively involved in our church. Because of my involvement, I came to know the Lord at age 9 through a Vacation Bible School. From what I understood about the Bible at the time, I had assurance (according to God’s promise, 1 Peter 1:4) that I was going to heaven when I died, but until then, I wasn’t quite sure what was supposed to happen next. Like some of you, my guess was you lived happily ever after (now that you were a Christian) until you died or the Lord returned. Nothing bad happens to Christians…right?
For most of my adult life, I had a subconscious belief that said “keep God’s law” and bad things won’t happen. It was quite simple…cause and effect. God honors those that keep the law. This approach seemed to work and I observed it in other Christians as well. Into my late 30’s a few situations came up that didn’t quite reconcile with my cause and effect theory. A Christian couple, close friends of ours, had the tragedy of their four year old son drowning. A few years prior to that another friend of ours from church lost his precious wife within six months of giving birth to their fourth child. These events were difficult for me to understand begging the age old question, “Why do bad things happen to good people”? Why them and not me? Maybe you’ve pondered these same questions?
A few years ago I read a book, Shattered Dreams by a Christian author and counselor that put some perspective on these two questions. He points out that shattered dreams open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the dreams that we improperly value are destroyed. “It’s harder to discover our desire for God when things go well. We may think we have, but more often all we’ve found is our desire to use God, not enjoy Him. Shattered dreams are the truest blessings; they help us discover our true hope. But it can take a long time to discover it.”
The idea of experiencing “brokenness” after becoming a Christian was not anything I ever heard talked about. Most Christians I knew wanted to avoid brokenness or pain…not look for it. The reality is we ALL suffer from some sort of brokenness. We are all sinners and cannot keep God’s Law regardless of how hard we try. You see when everything is going well in my life I am not as dependent upon God.
Fast forward to the last 2-3 years and God has allowed a variety of circumstances in my life to shatter my own dreams. I recall looking myself in the mirror one night while my wife was in a private hospital suffering from deep depression and I’m wondering if my marriage of 25 years is possibly coming to an end. At the same time I’m trying to manage our family business (losing hundreds of thousands of dollars) through a downward spiraling economy, and suddenly I’m beginning to see the reality of everything I thought I had “control” over, slipping away. It was terrifying.
My pride was going to be broken. What are people going to think? What are they going to say?
This was a very surreal moment. Time seemed to be standing still. My wife’s overall health was in jeopardy, our finances were in jeopardy, the children were scared, my oldest daughter just went off to college and hurricane Katrina had just devastated New Orleans. The whole world seemed out of control. I will never forget praying one morning in our Sunday school class as I was being overwhelmed with the weight of my situation, crying out to God “Abba father”. The Holy Spirit within me was crying out on my behalf. I had never experienced such an openness and intimate prayer ever before.
The journey over the last couple of years has been remarkable. Kim’s health has been restored with some mild limitations, and we are very thankful for that. We’ve maintained a commitment to marriage counseling that has been very worthwhile in teaching us better communication skills and how to resolve conflict. Our marriage relationship has a depth I would have never imagined. Our children have learned some life lessons through all of this and have seen God at work in a variety of ways.
On the business front it was nothing short of a miracle that God prepared a way for me to exit the business without any further financial losses and the business could continue to operate. If that wasn’t enough, the very first day I was officially unemployed, I received a phone call from a business owner (Kansas City) that had kept my business card from a presentation I made almost four years ago and was interested in me helping him with a short term training program they were implementing. When I told him of my situation, he was also stunned that he was calling on my first day of unemployment.
Since joining the Presbyterian Church (PCA) almost 15 years ago, I have learned more about the GRACE of God than in the first 30 years of being a Christian. What I have come to realize was my focus was on the wrong object. I was focused on my ability to keep the Law, rather than God’s grace and mercy (God’s unmerited favor) that had been extended to me and my family.
Let me encourage you if you are struggling with any of life’s issues, stop pretending and stop using a cheap substitute to cope with your brokenness. There is brokenness everywhere you look. Families are in crisis, marriages are in crisis, individuals are hurting and our moral compass seems to have left America. That’s the bad news…the GOOD NEWS is Jesus Christ is in the business of redeeming the lost and restoring a very broken world. He is doing this one person at a time, one marriage at a time, one family at a time. I am living proof.